Wow. Just wow. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and support from so many people- even people I really don't know. Thank you. Really. I have been able to talk through many feelings over the past several days with many people. And although I feel that I can talk about it without crying, it still conjures up some pretty intense feelings when I think of the actual incident. I have never felt like a target. Ever really. (Even when I lived in Spain and was the obvious tall, American, religious proselyting woman). I am almost 6' tall without shoes, and that night I had some pretty big shoes on making me more like 6'1" or so. I'll just say here, too, that I am still carrying some weight from my pregnancy, so they were not exactly messing with a lightweight. The cops said that I probably surprised them when I resisted. They must have thought I would be an easy target, and when I wasn't they were caught off guard as well. Guess I had the element of surprise on my side, too, in that regard. There were many miraculous things that happened in apprehending the girls etc. and I am so amazed at the way the Lord has actually had His hand in this awful incident. I truly believe He was as involved as He possibly could be.
The evening that this all occurred was crazy. I was hysterical. HYSTERICAL. And the cops explained the whole justice system order of events and the possibilities of what I might have to do- pick the girls out of a line up, testify against them etc. etc. I was petrified. I didn't ever want to have to see them again. I never had anything to do with them before, and didn't want to have anything to do with them again. Plus, the *good person* in me felt a teeny eensy weensy bit sorry for them, too. What kind of terrible life do they have that they set out to just "beat someone up" ? However, over the past couple of days, I have felt more and more like I am willing to testify if it comes to that. For a number of reasons. Mostly, I don't want them to victimize me anymore than they already have. But, I also feel that they need to deal with the consequences of their decisions. This was a PLANNED attack. One of the girls had approached me outside of my building crying and asking me for help. She wanted to use my phone, but I said I didn't have it and gave her money to use the pay phone. I GAVE HER MONEY. And they still beat me up. They preyed on my kindness. Intentionally. And I feel that that is just wrong. Evil, even. And they made the decision. So they need to deal with the results of that decision. And being LDS, and constantly hearing about loving one another etc and the balance between justice and mercy, I've thought about this a lot. But I truly feel that my desire for their *punishment* does not come from an intentionally malicious place in my heart. So I am ready to testify, if need be...
9 comments:
Wow Kendra, how crazy. I'm sorry that such a horrible thing happened to you. But am glad to hear you have people to talk to, and help you. I think it is a good think for you to testify if it comes to that. For all the reasons you stated, and more. Good luck.
Amen and amen. We strive to be a forgiving and Christlike people, but I hope that would never be misinterpreted to mean that we don't believe in punishment, or more appropriately, consequences. We are bound by law and there are consequences if we break those laws. Furthermore, we discipline for the safety of ourselves as well as others. These girls deserve to be prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. (I should be in law school or something. . . )
--AW
I think you are making the right choice - at very least, the girls will have to answer for what they chose to do, but because they are minors, they also have the opportunity to change, and have the slate wiped clean by the time they reach adulthood.
I have an old friend who, while growing up, was not held responsible for for a number of (relatively) minor crimes because of his family members who were police officers. As a consequence, he didn't learn his lesson until he ended up in prison for multiple felonies. He is doing better now, but it would have been so much easier (for everyone) had he been held responsible at a much younger age.
Thoughts and prayers with you guys.
-np
Kendra, I'm so glad things weren't worse. I can imagine all the conflicting emotions and thoughts that you must be feeling. Stay strong and know you're loved by many!
Your post illustrates beautifully why all of us who know you can't help but love you, Kendra. You are a kind, grounded, intelligent, strong, capable woman who confronts problems and issues with an incredible sense of who you are and what the Lord wants you to become.
In making this choice to go forward with prosecuting and testifying, but maintaining such a Christlike attitude in the midst of all this emotional turmoil, you are setting an example for your daughters (and all women who know you). By allowing us to share in your vulnerability and distress (and not becoming melodramatic or putting on a front of "I'm ok and I'm super tough"--which is what I would probably do), you are projecting such an inspiring humility and fragile-ness (is that a word) that makes you all the more real and makes me so proud to be your friend.
Sorry for writing a whole book about this, but I just wanted to let you know that you are truly extraordinary--I've known this for as long as I have known you, but a traumatic incident such as this has only illuminated your good traits. Will call soon to chat....
This is so crazy! I have been SO grateful that you were close by where Matt could hear you. We are thankful for your safety and hope that you will be able to recover fully in all ways from a scary, scary experience!
I think you're making the right decision to testify. You are right that the idea of mercy is not the same as escaping the natural consequences of your actions. Even in the church, if a person were to confess to the Bishop a crime that required notification of the police, that would be the Bishop's obligation to notify the police. I don't know about the 18-year-old who has a criminal background, but at least the thirteen year-olds might be able to see where leading this kind of life inevitably ends up: jail and misery.
Also, you are saving other potential victims from being attacked by these self-same girls. As you say, this wasn't random and it wasn't provoked. They planned it and executed it and they would do the same again to someone else.
You are so strong and your heart is really in the right place, Kendra. If there's anything I can do for you, please don't hestitate to ask.
Kendra, I can't believe this happened. It kind of makes me sick that people can be so intentionally evil-- especially after you helped the one girl. I believe they should face the consequences of their actions, and you testifying against them does not mean that you can't forgive them.
Good luck, my dear friend.
Kendra,
I agree with you testifying. it is not of malicious intent and i believe that you are one of the big steps that will get them off the streets. They need to be put away because i doubt you are the first person they have attacked. I love you Kendra and hope all goes well. You and your family are in our prayers.
PS: your girls are so darn cute. I sure hope i get a little girl next.
Love you,
Tessa
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