Wow. Just wow. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and support from so many people- even people I really don't know. Thank you. Really. I have been able to talk through many feelings over the past several days with many people. And although I feel that I can talk about it without crying, it still conjures up some pretty intense feelings when I think of the actual incident. I have never felt like a target. Ever really. (Even when I lived in Spain and was the obvious tall, American, religious proselyting woman). I am almost 6' tall without shoes, and that night I had some pretty big shoes on making me more like 6'1" or so. I'll just say here, too, that I am still carrying some weight from my pregnancy, so they were not exactly messing with a lightweight. The cops said that I probably surprised them when I resisted. They must have thought I would be an easy target, and when I wasn't they were caught off guard as well. Guess I had the element of surprise on my side, too, in that regard. There were many miraculous things that happened in apprehending the girls etc. and I am so amazed at the way the Lord has actually had His hand in this awful incident. I truly believe He was as involved as He possibly could be.
The evening that this all occurred was crazy. I was hysterical. HYSTERICAL. And the cops explained the whole justice system order of events and the possibilities of what I might have to do- pick the girls out of a line up, testify against them etc. etc. I was petrified. I didn't ever want to have to see them again. I never had anything to do with them before, and didn't want to have anything to do with them again. Plus, the *good person* in me felt a
teeny eensy weensy bit sorry for them, too. What kind of terrible life do they have that they set out to just "beat someone up" ? However, over the past couple of days, I have felt more and more like I am willing to testify if it comes to that. For a number of reasons. Mostly, I don't want them to victimize me anymore than they already have. But, I also feel that they need to deal with the consequences of their decisions. This was a PLANNED attack. One of the girls had approached me outside of my building crying and asking me for help. She wanted to use my phone, but I said I didn't have it and gave her money to use the pay phone. I GAVE HER MONEY. And they still beat me up. They preyed on my kindness. Intentionally. And I feel that that is just wrong. Evil, even. And they made the decision. So they need to deal with the results of that decision. And being LDS, and constantly hearing about loving one another etc and the balance between justice and mercy, I've thought about this a lot. But I truly feel that my desire for their *punishment* does not come from an intentionally malicious place in my heart. So I am ready to testify, if need be...